today was a good day
my brother-in-law, ken, sent me email
he checked out my page, looking for a picture of his newborn daughter/my neice
instead saw my journal
offered some nice words of advice
on life
thank you for checking my page, ken. it means a lot to me 8>
actually worked today
with todd & beth & stew
no resolutions to the problems plaguing me
but i had a good day
want to know why?
after work, todd beth stew & myself went to dennys
kristie, tom & chris were there
tom left around 12am so we all consolidated at one table
six of us
had really good conversation
i felt like i belonged again!!
first time in at least two weeks
im happy right now
nice feeling
we're all going bowling tomorrow(today?) night
kristie & stew & todd & beth & tom
im going to watch and drink beer
cause im old enough
and i suck at bowling
going to try to do something with beth on monday
maybe straighten things out
firgure out what she wants to do
right now, id have no problem being just friends again
i think that the relationship...
kinda spawned
from mutual pity
we both kinda made each other feel a little better about ourselves
at least i hope beth feels better, i know during that week she seemed happy
and i got happy, too
its a nice feeling
knowing youre not alone, at least for a little while
and im not talking about the sex
which was good, but im not the kinda person that blabs about all the gory details
although it did break over a year of celibacy for me
sarah couldnt do that
but i wont talk about it anymore
for a brief moment in time
i felt appreciated
but at what cost?
my friendship with stew...
...
i dont know if it was worth it or not
althought tonight, it seemed like old times
stew wasnt ignoring me
i made him laugh
he made me laugh
im pretty sure the whole beth saga
hurt him
pretty badly
but...
i think he kinda lets it get to him
he shouldnt feel that way
beth is a person
not an object
and just because she isnt physically attracted to stew
does not mean that stew isnt attractive
stew is doing what i do
hinging all happiness on one person
like alan said, you have to find happiness within yourself
and find someone that makes you happier
thats what friendships are
thats what (successful) relationships are
and thats what love is
you dont need to fuck to be in love
i love stew. hes a great guy and i admire him for his originality
and i did not mean to hurt him
maybe beth & i shouldnt have done what we did
but we're human, we all make mistakes
and i think, over time, the bad shit between stew & i
will biodegrade
and become fertilizer for a stronger friendship
god im happy right now
dont let the dogs bring you down
spit in their faces
and bounce right back
"please sir, may i have some more?"
theres nothing the dogs hate more
than a soul that wont cave in
im not saying im like that, but im getting better
ive found strength within myself
to keep going
i dont know what im writing about anymore, let me digress...
hi, hows it going?
i need to talk to beth on monday, though
i think we need to have a nice, long conversation
on what happened
whats happening
and whats going to happen
at this point, im willing to just be friends again
and i hope i can reconcile with stew
its going to take time and effort
but stew is definitely worth it
4:27am, 1/5/97
(well it still feels like 1/4/97 to me)
oh yeah
almost forgot
ran into doris as i was leavin dennys
havent seen her in ages
its good to see old friends