i can describe today in a single word
bland
woke up around 11:30
went to media play
amy wasnt there
read about half of future noir : making of blade runner
i want to buy it
but its $16
went home
milled around for the rest of the day
my brothers been playing Command & Conquer
came over today so we could play head-to-head
but he was too tired
i think its cool
that hes trying to learn
C&C was a very good distraction
after i knew jenn & i would never be together again
so theres a warm place
in my heart
for C&C
saw a really cool batman episode today
Robin's Reckoning
i think its the episode that won an emmy
the story almost made me cry
(robin's origin told through flashback)
and the artwork of that specific episode was fantastic
i cant describe it, youd have to have seen it
very moving piece of "childrens programming"
im in a weird mood today
kinda depressed, introspective
having second thoughts
about the validity of my dream
was it just coincidence that i saw the girl
in the dream then in the flesh?
im still going to try to start something with her
if it doesnt work out, at least i tried
and the next time i want to approach a woman
itll be easier
ive realized that
my hesitation about everything
stems from a fear of failure
i want everything i do to work the first time
i cant stand failure
i want to be accepted & respected immediatly
again, i want all the rewards with no effort on my part
but now that ive identified the problem
i can start changing
i have to treat all my problems
as a learning experience
failure isnt bad
its the experience that matters
ill go back to media play
maybe wednesday
and if i dont see her
ill go back on the weekend
and i will talk to her
i wish
i had something uplifting & intelligent to say
but i cant think of anything
i wish
i didnt have to wait
to make the neccessary changes in my life
i wish
i hadnt built up the walls
to make my life more comfortable
'cause now im getting claustrophobic
djbuti!
lighten the tone up, gary
my mother is going away this weekend
i might have a little get-together
stew, tom
todd & beth if they want
drink cheap beer/wine and watch old mst3k episodes
(my idea of a good time)
oh well
"questions are a burden to others, answers a prison to oneself"