well i got up at 4pm today. havent gone to bed yet. its 5:08am on the 2nd, but i say its the 1st until i go to sleep.
just spent about 4 hours trying to rewrite christine's research paper on watergate. couldn;t do much with it. i ended up retyping it, fixing little typos, restructuring some sentences, adding some parenthetical references and amending the works cited page to match the references used.
ugh
and i had a couple molson ice's all the way through.
so im feeling really great about myself...alcohol enhanced depression. christine & i started writing the paper around 5pm, but got bored and slummed around my house until about 9:45pm and went to dennys.
stew showed up. sat with us for a while but then went to sit with kristi and eric (friends of ours)
todd showed up. said hi, sat with stew.
beth showed up. said hi, sat with her friend nora for a while, then sat with stew & todd.
i brought christine home a little before 1am cause she has to go back to school, x-mas break is over
i went back to dennys and sat with stew & todd & beth (eric & kristi left)
no one seemed to notice i was there.
i felt weird, like they didnt want me to be there.
todd wanted to go. beth made him stay
i mentioned i was leaving. no one said a word...until i put my coat on
"bye", they said
i dont know
didnt feel like they wanted me there, and no one cared about me leaving
im hurt by that, probably wasnt intentional, but im hurt
i think ill have another molson.
but i cant fall asleep.
have to pick up christine at 7am, give her the paper, and bring her to school
god i feel like killing myself
but i cant
i know what its like to have someone you know kill themselves
its not fun
been listening to the new tool album constantly. great disc.
theres something about their sound
its like, a bitter depression, an angry sadness
fits my mood lately like a glove
the Fates are laughing at me, tying my strings in knots
watching me whither and die
choked on my own fate
dead puppet
i just dont know
1/2/97
my mother is chastising me for having four beers.
shrug
at least im 21 mother. i could have had four beers a year ago and not hidden it from you...
guess what?
i'm...
sober
heads less fuzzy
feeling a little better about myself
you know...
ive been checking out other peoples pages
and i realized something....
ive had a pretty good life so far
now i feel like ive been whining about all my social problems
ive never done dru...wait...ive never had a drug problem
im not addicted to anything...well...
theres always my parliament light 100's
and my not-too-often molson ice's
but im only psychologically addicted to smokes
and beer helps me sleep
although i havent gone to sleep yet
christine is getting me a pass to enter the old high school
from R.T.
ron taylor, my art-type teacher all through high school
it was in his class that i learned where my true skills lie
films
editing, filming, directing, visualizing, critiqueing...
i even have a list of the films ive enjoyed over the years...
the only thing i stumble on is actually starting them
i have made a couple short videos over the years...
Flying Stilettos of Death : The Motion Picture
first work i ever did in video, i was killed off first
Flying Stilettos of Death 2
it was pretty bad, but i made it with tom
the beginning of a long working relationship
Adventures of Stick Figure Joe, The : spaced
a cute little animated short, i have to remember where it is...
The Adventures of Max and Regis in: The Invaders
a beavis & butthead/60's tv series Invaders parody/ripoff
kinda funny, and had cool effects
after those, there werent really any great, ambitious projects for a little while.
i made a short on censorship, starring a talking, severed mouse head
and a gun control short, taking place at a crack house in south central CP
and guest starring the Punisher
but then came...
PSYCHOMETRIC PSOUNDS
for the summer of '94, i had a live, call-in public access television show on Channel 11 in the Capital Cablevision cable district (schenectady, niskayuna, some other places, but not CP...)
the idea was to showcase local bands
but mostly it was bands that friends of mine had.
and sometimes there was no band at all, just me & davis looking like idiots, talking to morons on the phone
but
I WAS ON TV!
ive had my 15 minutes of fame
and id like to do it again.
however, because Channel 11 didnt have a reliable way of screening callers (or rude laguage), they dont do live call-in shows anymore
you dont want to know how many times i swore without realizing it on that show
but it was fun
after the demise of the show, (which was originally going to be called aural sects, get it?)
i didnt do much.
did some cheez tv at ACC
kinda boring, didnt get to do the wild & crazy shit i did at channel 11
did some short films with tom for his classes at acc
how to smoke
and
The Grenade Launcher Hunter Club of America
an amusing little thing, but tom & i did create
Jethro Missouri & Bubba, the Hikz brothers
(im bubba, toms jethro)
an extremely stereotypical pair of rednecks
we are planning on making a feature film revolving around their inability to comprehend suburban life
"Baby food? They eat their young!?"
and one final note
about future video projects, before i go shovel the driveway (damn snow)
another tentative project...
JESUS SQUAD
IN COLOUR
be afraid. be very afraid
10:25am, 1/2/97
