memories of the year of darkness hand shaking as i spin my cogarette in the ashtray i am a man alone wandering realms unimaginable all within my rattled brain memories of the Year of Darkness weeping in my black and tan at night in darkened bedroom that was never really mine keeping her sister awake trying to find some comfort in the closed-off world i made the rain of the next day- a torrent smoking in a tiny alcove my tears mix with the rain heaven weeps for me but doesnt try to help other than sympathize i am the martyr to all the "nice guys" who finish last continually and yet i still live constant phantom pain waxing and waining yet still ever present versimilitude of feeling fine darkened undercurrents washing across the shores of self confidence my tiny sandbox shore break out the spade and pail sandcastles on the little beach doozer work patter build up break down something keeps me going faith? hell no i am atheistic agnostic no higher power ever helped me so i spit in gods eye i gots my friends, brothers, comrades in arms and thats probably why i still try