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still with me?
all right
this is miss jennifer woodward

there are so many things i could say, and difficult for me to translate my emotions into words, so excuse me if i stumble along, but lets start at the beginning.
i had a personal ad up on yahoo for gods-know-how-long
basically it said "dont read this" and "i cant stand people" and i was looking for a female with intelligence and morality
which i think was the reason i never got any reponses for a loooong time
now i normally look down on people trying to find companions over the internet; im big on the whole real-life experience of finding people
but i got a response to my rather cryptic ad
somehow she saw through my curmudgeony facade, and saw who i really was...in fact, heres an edited version of the response;

You sound a bit dissilusioned, but I looked at your webpage, and well, it appears that you're too complex of a person to settle into a hateful curmudgeon-like state. I'm not writing you to tell you that you shouldn't loose all faith in this world--though you probably know you shouldn't--I'm writing because you got me. I've been looking at all these personals- all this bullshit- as an amusement, as a procrastination tool- never expecting that there would be someone real and tangible w/some depth other than -- hey baby I'm just looking for some sex, or a walk under the stars and some sex,etc.-- I don't know, you'll probably think I'm terribly presumptuous to assume anything about you just from looking at your webpage-
  hell, I feel presumptuous. But I'm bored, and I'm lonely, and I'm tired of it. So, can you blame me for being interested? I'm a battered down idealistic type girl, who's trying to come to grips with this postmodern society, and I find
myself saying-- Love? What's that? -- A bit too often these days, years, whatever. I dunno- trust me, I'm not saying I'm looking for love and perfection over the stupid yahoo personals, I'm just looking for a little piece of hope I guess. Been trying to find that in myself, but the road is long. Anyway, I've gone on enough-- I'd just like to talk sometime if you're interested. I know what I like, after all. :)

that hooked me.  so a long, intense conversation developed through email, buidling up to phone calls, and finally the real-life meeting last week.  im still amazed that we get along so well...first time for me, and miss woodward, to be honest in a relationship; acting with the proverbial lover the same way we act with our closest friends.  its refreshing, and...wonderful.  how can i describe her?  i think i put it down best in this excerpt from an email to her;

well im not one to really brag about relationships...i feel like if i start doing that they drop out from under me...but you are more than my better half...youre doushi...youre everything i am and have wanted to be...perfect balance of similiarities and dissimilarities...my fractured ideal of perfection; which doesnt mean perfection literally, just everything i find desirable; beauty, intelligence, morality, candor, sensuality, sexuality...i could go on forever.

coming to terms with these new, soft squishy sicklysweet emotions has been rather disorienting for both of us...i dont think...in fact, *i know* we didnt expect to find what we were looking for so easily and (relatively) nearby...i hope that i dont fuck it up 8>
so how do i feel?
im slowly being drawn into that dreaded "L"-word...
love?