Y'know, i think my brain is starting to alter my perceptions & preconceptions.

Since I've been spending just about all my time with my parents, im starting to see them as.... people.

not authority figures

its a strange feeling.

when we go out to dinner (about once a week on average), i dont feel weird when i order a beer.

and on one of those occasions, my dad and i both ordered killians

and we toasted to killeans!

and we talked (briefly) about my favourite brews (killians red & fosters)

and about my brother and me searching the convient stores for the weirdest beers we could find

and my parents were amused!

now, you must take into account,

my father and i have never really "bonded"

he just didnt "get" me when i was going through the teen-angst years

(i dont "get" me either, looking back...i thought i was a goth for christ's sake!)

and we dont talk much

but lately...ive been actually accepting my mother and father as being human beings

today my dad wanted to see my web page

he expressed actual INTEREST in something i work on every day

unfortunatly i was working on a new banner graphic, and he had gone to bed when i had finished

but still

it made me feel...special

and one thing he said to me, before he went to bed

"we're glad you're here"

im almost brought to tears by that simple statement

when i came here, i felt like i had completely failed

my brave new world of living alone in new york came crashing down

i felt as if i had been utterly defeated, and i was running home to mother

that i wasnt grown-up enough to face the challenge

but

im starting to think, deciding to move here was the greatest challenge in my life to date

to actually leave the birthing cradle of clifton park

to leave everything i knew

and make a new life

one where my past wasnt always around me

where i wouldnt be constantly reminded of the failures ive made

to regenerate

and i think its starting to work

seeing my parents as people and not as totalitarian dictators is the first step into a larger world

where i can finally shine

btw heres that new banner

June 9th